endlessflask | [ deerington inbox ]

[ Their relationship so far hasn't exactly been linear or typical, but then, not much in Will's life or in Deerington is typical.

And at least he can trust that this is a person who will be honest, who doesn't lie to cushion things. ]

eliot. it's will. [ Obviously. The username probably gave him away.

Will's anxiety but burgeoning trust means he does the texting equivalent of banging Eliot's door open and just saying the brunt of what's cycling his thoughts: ] i told ben we could try out dating, but i've never been attracted to men before. i don't know if i'm wrong and i'll end up hurting him a second time and i can't stop thinking about that.

[ The reply is a little delayed, due entirely to the fact that Eliot has to read the text a few times and let it process.

Ben and Will.

He’d had no idea. Not that he’d ever seen them together. He thinks it’s cute, really, a chaotic bundle of anxiety ridden romance.

But, right. Will’s genuinely looking for some reassurance (or maybe someone to tell him it’s a bad idea). ]

did quentin ghost write this
in my experience every straight man that says “i’ve never been attracted to men” has subconsciously been attracted to men
guys dont just want to date guys out of nowhere

quentin's gay too? [ Hooo boy.
followed swiftly by the half-hearted and somewhat alien correction of, ] or bisexual, i guess is what you're implying.

nevermind. and until now i'd agree. i didn't want to date him when he misinterpreted something before, and i told him that. but now...

[ You know, Will bothered writing out himself trailing off to buy a few seconds to come up with something else to say, but...this is not easy, even with insinuated pauses. ] i can feel the urge to go through every interaction i've had with other men and i'm not sure i have the energy to decide right now if i've always been like this or not.

i just don't know if it's worth risking ben's happiness if it turns out i'm actually not, right now.

[ Eliot's going to have to sit down an examine why it is that somehow, whenever he talks to Will Graham, Will always ends up learning new things about Eliot that he prefers to keep comfortably from mostly everyone.

He's glad Will can't see him take a deep, slow inhale through his nose. ]

its not really up to you to decide what he should and shouldn't risk things for
first of all
personally I've been the guy that decided that for someone else and it really bit me in the ass, and most people dont get second chances like you just got
you want to do it and he wants to do it so just fucking do it

[ That is not...the logic Will was expecting. ]

so in this scenario, selfless sacrifices are actually the selfish move.
sounds like what i told ben about constantly not asking for what he was actually interested in.
after the initial confusion, i mean. [ Since when did his romantic life get this messy? At least back home when he kissed people who weren't actually into him, the fallout was contained to...wait, no, it's always been this messy.

At least Will can't get Ben pregnant. ]

did you miss your second chance?

[ That's what Will thinks he's getting out of those replies, except...

Holy shit wait-- ]
wait, is quentin who you're talking about?

yes, william, quentin is who im talking about

[ Eliot had hoped to keep that to himself, but here they are. Classic.]

its not something i recommend letting yourself live with

[ Oh. That's...huh. Will's met them both separately, and since they're both magicians and have briefly mentioned each other, he knew they knew each other...but he hadn't seen them interact together yet. (If only he hadn't been so high at that party, maybe.)

But Will sees these final clues and misinterprets them, in the form of an awkward but sincere: ] i'm sorry it didn't work out for you two.

yeah well it was my fault
but thanks
it just sucks you know
dont be like eliot

i don't know.
i could probably do worse than being like someone willing to talk down a straight guy's panic about his new boyfriend [ Do you know what typing the word 'boyfriend' just cost Will right now, emotionally? He's yet to do more than think that word so far. ]

thanks

you have a man you have strong feeling of attraction towards
you're definitely not "straight"
anyway you're already calling him your boyfriend so honestly i think you'll be fine
you're already committed to the idea

[ There's probably ways to still refute that, and maybe he should feel more inclined to, but after a brief pause the only thing Will can come up with is... ] you're probably right
i think i'll leave it without a word for right now though

[ Even just thinking the word 'bisexual' makes him feel like he's in a porno and not in a horrifying nightmare landscape, frantically trying to keep from hurting the feelings of someone he's got a crush on. How did it end up like this. ]

i'll just add this to my list of reasons i'm glad no one from my world has ended up here

[ deerington inbox ]

text; un: will.graham, sent early nov & mid-morning

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i love eliot and his advice so dang much (also cw pregnancy mention)

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