endlessflask | [ deerington inbox ]

It wasn’t really my place to say anything. But I did tell you several times to just make out with him already. I figured that was a good enough hint.

Apparently not.

[.... But now he's curious] what else has he said?

Would you want me telling him all the things you’ve said?

[........]

Fine.

Just be happy knowing he's really into you. You know, emotionally as well as physically. But mostly be happy he's emotionally into you. He's an idiot but he's a really good guy.

I am. Really, I am.

[But he's also feeling a lot of other things]

I just-- I don't know what to do about the rest of it.

Honestly Steve? I wish I knew what to tell you. I barely know what I'm doing when it comes to any of this shit.

Yeah.

[He sighs]

Is that just what it's like, being an adult? I used to think I had everything worked out and now...

Being an adult sucks. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. Just go with it. We have to take advantage of what we have here, while we have it. Just try and remember that.

[ there's a long pause before he answers ]

Is there-- even a point? We don't remember any of this when we leave.

I don't know. I can't really speak for you, but, I lived a life with Quentin that I shouldn't have remembered, and then I fucked it up in so many ways when I had the chance to do it again. Maybe I won't remember shit if I ever get back home, but I can't lose another chance. If you're not going to remember it, you have nothing left to lose, right?

I guess.

[ And it makes sense, it really does.

He presses his palms against his face. ] God, I'm such an idiot.

No, you're not. Just take a breath. Everything's going to be fine.

[ and steve does take a minute. takes a few deep breaths and actually does feel a little better ]

Is Quentin-- you guys can do magic, right? Is there something you can do for him back home?

No.

[ Eliot's answer is blunt, but the explanation that follows come a little slower. ]

There are darker spells where you can necromance people but it's not the same, and it only works if they still exist. Uh, Magicians, when we die, we go to Purgatory and hang out until we're ready to … Deal with the shit we did when we were alive. Until it's time for us to make peace with all of that. Then you just. Move on. You're gone. I don't know where you move on to. Obviously no one does because people don't come back from it. I don't really know how to explain how I know, but I know he's gone. I know he moved on.

[ Steve's technically catholic. His family goes to church at christmas and easter and all those important times. Will Billy get to go to heaven? He hopes so. ]

I don't know-- what'll happen to Billy.

I wish I had an answer for you.

[ And he sincerely means that. It's clear in his voice. ]

All the more reason to enjoy having him here.

Yeah. [ And then with more certainty ] Yeah.

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