endlessflask | [ deerington inbox ]

I didn't know that.

[ And so it feels like an extra point against her, that one of the people she betrayed thought to put up a memorial in her honor because she sacrificed herself to kill the Beast. Damn. Luckily, the uncertain smile she gives is equal parts guilt and embarrassment over the thought that she was almost in the spotlight like that. ]

That's... heartwarming. [ That he cared, that he thought she should be remembered. ] I won't tell anyone you told on them.

[ A playful smile. It's a silly joke but it's all she can muster. She doesn't blame the rest of them for not supporting the idea. She didn't do it to be a hero. She'd lost her brother, lost Quentin, lost Brakebills, in a way - what was the point, when gods could shit in the wellspring of all magic and ruin it for everyone? She had brought the Beast upon them all. It seemed fitting to die to end him. Besides, did any of them even know her back then beyond her being "Quentin's nerdy girlfriend"? Let alone like her. And then she went and betrayed them all anyway, proving them right.

She holds onto that smile, though, for both their sakes. ]

[ Now that Eliot's said it out loud, he wonders what his own motivations had been. Had he been acting selflessly, or had he himself been feeling guilty and thought that the monument would someone absolve him of it?

Eliot squeezes Alice's hand and tips over, just enough that he's leaning against her. ]

Maybe we should take a break from this. [ From their constant vigilance. From Eliot's constant vigilance. ] Go, I don't know. Eat. A real meal.

[ Retrospective introspection is a dark and dangerous road, and one she understands. The reasons why a choice was made seem clear at the time, but actual clarity reveals the muddied waters they were made in. Ironically, the only things Alice is clear about her intentions on is all she did when she was a niffin. No emotions, no problems—except much of what she did was awful.

And—oh, yep, this is a lot more physical contact than she's used to from just about anyone. But at the same time, it feels nice. She spends so much of her time alone, isolated, and now she's here with the only other person who understands the sharp, sweet ache that is loving Quentin Coldwater. She needed this. She needs it, more than she cares to admit. Connections, closeness. Friendship. Quentin would probably want this for them too. ]

Probably. [ Strange how these dream bodies still have physical needs. ] When's the last time you actually ate something?

[ She's already thinking abour what they should have. Delivery, probably. Cooking is a lot right now. ]

[ Unfortunately for all of these isolated introverts that Eliot collects, he craves physical contact. On a good day, as much as a simple hand brushing against someone's arm or a bump of shoulders is enough. On a day like this, Eliot would probably ask Alice if he could lie down with his head in her lap for a while if he thought she'd be okay with that.

But this is all right, too. ]

I … Snacked.

[ He's not sure when. He's aware of grabbing things here and there when he's been down in the kitchen to make coffee or tea, or on his way to sit outside and smoke and try to compose himself before someone sees him crack. But actual eating? ]

I could really go for some noodles that are drenched in MSG. Chinese food?

[ The only reason she knows Eliot will be fine is she knows Margo is protective of who and what she considers hers. Still, Alice is unimpressed by that admission.

She is, however, down for his suggestion. ]

That actually sounds really good. My treat?

[ It still feels a little like she owes him, but her offer now is... solidarity. They're in this together. Keeping vigil, hoping for the best, worrying about someone they love so much. She may not be much for physical contact, but she can do comfort in the form of food. ]

[ Alice's treat. As if she hasn't already been kind enough. Not that ordering Chines food is the sort of thing most people consider an act of kindness, but to Eliot, especially right now, it is.

But he decides to let her have this one. They're both too stubborn and this isn't the time to make any clash in their personalities come up. ]

The next one's on me, then. Let's go downstairs for a bit.

[ He downs the rest of his tea and sets his cup on the nightstand. He uses Alice as a bit of support when he stands. Thanks, Alice. ]

Let's get ginger beef, too.

[ So she's been upgraded to physical support. Okay. She'll take that as a positive.

Standing, Alice grabs her Fluid, letting Eliot lead so he can set their pace. ]

God yes. Ginger beef, noodles, bubble tea...

[ She trails off, placing the order. Being out of the room helps her breathe easier, the tightness in her chest loosening. She feels guilty for that too, but it's easily shoved away as she follows Eliot downstairs. ]

Bubble tea. I want extra pearls.

[ Now that he's talking about food, his body is screaming for it. He's not even sure if he'll be able to stomach anything, he's so tired, but god if he doesn't want to shove his face full anyway.

Downstairs, Eliot detours to the kitchen, to top off his tea - this time he doesn't even add alcohol. ]

Are we friends now?

[ He thinks they're friends now. ]

[ Alice adds that to their order without missing a beat, and even though it takes next to no time to do, it's not until Eliot asks that that she stops to just— breathe. ]

I hope so.

[ She means that so much it almost surprises her. Even before waking up here, she thought of them all as her friends, or at least referred to them as such. But now it feels real, with some of them. With Eliot, with Kady. ]

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